Guiding the Behavior of Toddlers

Toddlers' behavior can, at times, stretch your patience. It can also be exciting, depending on your viewpoint. Remember, toddlers are testing limits to define themselves. With this thought in mind, here are some suggestions that can help you guide toddlers' behavior in positive ways.

• Encourage toddlers' growing sense of independence. Invite them to participate in daily routines. Give them many chances to make choices. Set up the environment so children can hang up their own coat and reach the sink to wash their own hands.
• Set a few, simple clear rules. Understand that children may need your help to follow rules. Rules such as, "Sit at the table when you cut with scissors" give children a sense of order and security as well as the opportunity to develop self-discipline. Over time, and after many, many reminders, children will learn to take their scissors to the table.
• State rules positively rather than negatively. Give children an alternative way to behave. For example, you might say, "Walk when you are inside" instead of "Don't run."
• Understand that toddlers are not yet ready to share. When they don't share, they aren't being greedy or mean. They need time to develop a sense of ownership and to learn to share. Model and encourage sharing but do not insist on it. Have duplicates of favorite toys available to help avoid conflicts.
• Share your feelings about certain behaviors. Give the children words to describe their feelings. You might say, "I know that you are angry and that's O.K. But I don't want people to hurt each other. I'm going to help you so you don't hit."
• Give children alternative ways to express their anger. "If you feel angry, tell us. Say, 'I'm mad!' so we will know how to help you."
• Ask toddlers silly questions so they have lots of opportunities to say, "No." You might ask, "Do we eat a shoe for dinner?" or "Is it time to go to sleep after breakfast?"
• Pay close attention to a child who is likely to hit or bite. Look for opportunities to help a child stop a behavior before another child gets hurt.
• Acknowledge when children show self-discipline. If you observe a child who is about to throw a block catch your eye and then put the block down say, "That was good stopping, Leo."
• Avoid talking with other adults about a toddler's challenging behavior in front of the child. Toddlers are very aware when they are the topic of conversation. Being talked about can be uncomfortable.

If you would like additional information on guidance or other infant/toddler issues please contact:

Special Projects Coordinator
Oklahoma Child Care Resource and Referral Assoc.
4200 Perimeter Center Dr. Suite 235
Oklahoma City, OK 73112
1-888-962-2772
mailto:wtarvin@oklahomachildcare.org